It often seems to us women that our imperfect body is the cause of all our fictitious problems. We are not satisfied with our forms, our wrinkles, bulging belly. We believe with confidence that everyone around us sees the very shortcomings that we ascribe to ourselves.
We have been fighting all our conscious life with extra pounds, with the first signs of aging. On the one hand, one can only praise us for such perseverance, for such willpower in this constant unequal struggle. On the other hand, this is why it is a struggle that does not pass without a trace. It leaves its indelible mark on our appearance. You look, and you see – here a magnificent beauty turns into a woman exhausted by diets with an extinct look. From somewhere there is anger, irritability, and sometimes even aggressiveness.
So maybe it’s time to stop and think about what we are doing?
Not everyone is naturally given a model appearance, so is it worth torturing yourself with everyday torture? I do not urge you not to take care of your body, appearance and health. Only there should be common sense in everything, you need to correspond to yourself. Sometimes we apply too exaggerated requirements to ourselves, so exaggerated that we have to resort to the help of a psychotherapist. So, my dear women, maybe it’s worth starting work on your appearance by working on the requirements for yourself, your beloved, before exhausting your body?
Let us ask ourselves a simple question: where do our overestimated demands on ourselves come from? First of all, the answer must be sought in deep childhood, when you were somehow different from some beautiful girl in the group. The boys ran after her, invited her to their company, but they ignored you, or, even worse, said something offensive about your appearance. And then the first complexes appear, you are already beginning to be ashamed of your appearance, your chubby cheeks. At home, a mother will accidentally tell her growing up girl that her breasts are too small, and her appearance is so-so that men will have to be attracted by not at all feminine charms. And now another complex is added to the young girl’s head, perhaps it will remain for the rest of our lives. Once Agatha Christie said: “If a girl under five years old managed to inspire that she is a queen, after five she will inspire this to the whole world.” Wonderful words,
Let’s try together to get rid of the attitudes imposed on us and try to develop our personal values.
First, take a sheet of paper, a pen and retreat into the room. Relax, and think carefully, what does not suit you in your appearance? It is important that you describe as accurately as possible both your requirements and what you do not get from life without meeting these requirements. For example, you write that with a weight of 100 kg. you won’t be able to please a guy, and as a result, you can remain lonely and childless. In this way, describe all your requirements.
What do we do? How can you change your established internal attitudes?
After each such installation, indicate the author of this installation. For example, your mother first told you that you have small breasts. The fact that you have an unsympathetic appearance was told by your “best” friend, etc.
Now assess these problems from the height of a grown-up person and reevaluate your attitudes. For example, yes, I have a really small bust and a not very pretty face. But can these problems become the most important in my life? Is it only long-legged beauties that conquer the world? Surely there is a person who likes me just like that, and for him there are no barriers in my appearance so as not to love me! Approximately, in this way, change the old settings for new ones, your own. A sense of shame that poisons our lives.
Exposing ourselves to excessive demands, we often come across such a concept as destructive shame. This shame poisons our lives, it alienates us from ourselves. And we no longer remember who we really are, we become some kind of set of requirements for ourselves. This is a sure road to nowhere, it leads to depressive states. We forget that we must and can correspond to only one person – ourselves! We try to be ideal, meet the imposed standards, and if this does not work out, we engage in self-flagellation and destruction of ourselves. The constant feeling of shame makes it impossible to live a fulfilling and happy life.
There are three types of shame
The first one can be called public , this type of shame allows us to live harmoniously in society, helps in communicating with other people, not to violate recognized boundaries and norms.
The second kind of shame is parental . This kind of shame can already poison our lives. Those attitudes that parents put in us can stay with us for many years. While we are small, parents are the greatest authorities for us, and we take all their words on faith.
The third type is social shame . It is just as toxic as the parent. The roots of this species are also laid in our childhood, when strangers begin to compare us with someone else. And, as you may have guessed, the comparison is not in your favor. This is a kindergarten, school, camp, etc.
It’s time to urgently do something about this! Stop looking at others, look up to the invented standard, strive to become like your ideal. Accept yourself for who you are! You are a person, individual, there is no such other, and never will be! Remain yourself, love yourself just like that, the one and only, learn to appreciate yourself, your victories! Love yourself just because you are! This is your main goal!
Look more often at your appearance in the mirror with love. Find only the positive in this guise, and thank for what you see there. How many positive and happy people in the world are lucky in life, perhaps less than you, but they found the strength to overcome difficulties and thank their fate for their lives.
If something really doesn’t suit you at all about your appearance, make a plan of action to fix the problem . But you need to do this only with love for yourself and your body, because it is worthy of your love and care.
Understand for yourself, you are not like everyone else, you are not like others, you are unique! And stop trying to live up to some fictional ideals. After all, if you want to change yourself, then you do not love yourself the way you are now. And you are who you are, and you are not like the others. Be yourself, you are, and you are special and beautiful!
I would like to end with the words of the sage Osho:
Once you start accepting yourself, you become beautiful. When you are delighted with your body, you will delight others as well. Many will fall in love with you because you are in love with yourself!